Hm, not on the first check in…. but than…. to be honest, I found a tiny silent voice within me, that sometimes whispers, it will be easier on the other side… you know…. when its over.
Maybe that sounds shocking. But not for me. I witnessed death and dying. I died myself so many times in this life, even prayed for it to happen, to be free and released from physical or emotional pain. And the more painful it was, the sweeter, more blissful and full of love and joy was the rising and living, after I had surrendered. So, how will it be after the real physical death? Only sweetness, bliss and love? How tempting.
No, I am not craving for physical death, not at all and that’s not the point. But how can I live fully, when there is still this silent voice within me telling me now and than that I don’t have to give myself fully, that it will be all good anyway in the afterlife?
It means that I still hold back, that I don’t let my light shine fully. It means that I don’t give myself and my gifts to the world fully because I still stand at some point on the brake because I still identify with some little old fears and voices in my head.
Do you recognize that? Not giving yourself fully because of… whatever the voice inside of you is telling yourself?
It is the (un)conscious wish, that it will be easier and better sometime, that it’s not worth it now. It is the (un)conscious waiting and wishing for death.
THAT, what we fear the most!
Let that sink!
This is the trap most of us are captured in, in the paradox of life and death. Not committing to neither life nor death.
But we have to.
There is no either or, there is life and death. Both are deeply connected with each other, in fact they are one. We need both, we want both, we are both. If we reject one or the other or even a tiny piece of them we are trapped. Not living and not dying. Stuck somewhere in between, not fully here nor there. Standstill.
It resolves when we commit to both fully.
We can only live fully if we surrender to death fully. Than they can dance with each other and we are riding the waves of life and death, of light and shadow, of ups and downs, of what it means to be fully alive, including and integrating death. Than we are able to let it all in and feel it all. Being fully ourselves. That’s the meaning of life and death, experience it all, be fully me, in every moment. Not avoiding anything and not holding anything back.
It seams to me that commitment is not very popular these days. I can sense the fear of being trapped by commitment, being unfree by committing ourself to something or somebody. Feeling controlled by commitment.
The opposite is true. Commitment frees us from the fear of death. It catapults us directly into life, fully. It is the end of control, as it is the end of holding back and standing on the brake.
Get off the brake and jump into it, fully, completely, whole.
The time for commitment is now.
I commit to life
I commit to death
I commit to myself and to love myself
I commit to my body and her needs
I commit to my needs and express them
I commit to my wish for commitment
I commit to my relationships
I commit to express myself in my very own unique way
I commit to flood the world with my gifts
I commit to get off the brake and let my light shine
I commit to stay open and feel everything
I commit to light and shadow
I commit to being fully present
I commit to clarity and truth
I commit to love
I commit to life and death
And If I sometimes forget, please remind me that I have committed myself, NOW!